The end is coming
I am half way through my 36th week of pregnancy and 'shit is getting real'. I chose this photo for a couple reasons. One being that it was taken a year ago and its amazing to think about what a difference a year makes. And the other- more practical reason is that I do not have any good photos of the bump as of recent. But back to 36 weeks and what we have accomplished thus far. We have all but completed decorating a really sweet room for the baby, endured four different showers (I kid about the enduring, they were all very special, but really- four of them!), taken our birthing class, not yet done a hospital tour (whoops!) or purchased a carseat- but that will happen soon.
Overall I am beginning to feel prepared, a mix of mental preparedness and physical preparedness. Yes the bump is getting really annoying. Especially if I try to bend over directly to tie my shoes, I have to sit up on my bed or couch or something and bring my leg up level with my butt to make tying them less of an uncomfortable process. Forcing myself to sleep on my side has been torture some nights.
I have not liked the physicality of being pregnant. Even before I was pregnant it completely creeped me out that it was such a publicly physical process. I see entering parenthood as a very personal process filled with introspection and soul searching (is it just me?). But to counteract that the entire act of being pregnant and carrying a child is so outwardly public that it always made me personally uncomfortable to carry a child. Unsurprisingly I have not enjoyed so much of the physicalness of being pregnant. Though I have marveled at what is taking place and spend time amazed at how all of this is possible. How every person on the planet hibernated and grew inside someone else. How once a baby is born it just knows how to breath, every minute is spent learning and adapting.
On the mental side I am in less denial. I know that this child is coming. It will be here and a part of our lives forever. It will need things from me that I will be able to give it and I find comfort in that. Knowing that my body is preparing and prepared to take care of something and someone else just like it has been the past nine months. I am excited and anxious to learn what its birthday will be. What it looks like, determine what we name it and experience parenthood with Mike.
So I think I am coming to terms. I am not completely excited or feeling prepared to be taking care of something 24/7 but know that it will (should) be rewarding and thankfully does not last forever. I am still dumbfounded that I get to take a leave from work and come back to my job. It is scary but at the same time completely amazing that maternity leave like this exists.
The selfish side of me cannot wait to wear my normal clothes! I have been wanting to buy black distressed skinny jeans for what feels like EVER. This Fall it seems there were so many great options and styles that it made having this belly such an annoyance for my wardrobe! There are so many pairs I have pinned on pinterest- just waiting for me to get rid of this belly, purchase and wear the hell out of them! I also cannot wait to go on a date with Mike, and order a drink! Leave the kid with my mother (really just the two of us) enjoying some adult time and reflecting on what we have just done. Drinks with girlfriends is also pretty high on my list- sangria, wine, margaritas whatever. Just some female bonding time without a belly in the way.
In other news baby clothes are pretty damn cute. The slew of clothes and gear we received from friends and family has made the impending arrival all the more real. And I am only a little ashamed to admit that the past few weeks much more time has definitely been spent visiting sites and collecting items for the little one. Those cyber week deals really got me!