This past Sunday Mo hit eight months. He is sitting up like a pro, laughing at things that tickle his funny bone, gaining the first of his teeth and eating solids. He is still waking up pretty regularly around 3am or 4am each night to eat but then falls back asleep for us til about 8am right after a quick nurse in bed with me. At eight months we can likely drop this feeding but it seems like more work to get him off this cycle than just spend the few minutes going to his room to retrieve him and then get him in bed with us to nurse.
On the madre front things are really picking up at work. I am being thrown into some new work streams and enjoying the new challenges. But on the personal front one challenge has been consistent. Finding time to balance the things I want and need to be doing outside of work. Especially my duties as a madre. I cannot help myself but feel a little guilty that I do not participate regularly in the drop offs and pick ups of Mo before and after work. Mike more often than not takes care of this for us and I am making a conscious decision to try and fit everything in as best I can. But aside from work, my commute and my desire to take care of my mind/body/soul alà running and burncyle there has yet been a day in the past two months where I could do it all and be the one to to the drop off/ pick up of Mo.
Fortunately Mike does a great job at handling this on the day to day. Since he works from home he can wait for Mo to wake up and then spend some time with him before escorting him up to my mom's house for daycare. But like I said I want to be able to do this too. And on the days I do get to it is most often for a pick up after work and I do not get up to her house until 6:30 or 7pm so then I feel like I am taking advantage of her kindness.
So now, after four months back at work, I have only just begun to think about waking up earlier & getting a kickstart to the day (so adult of me), so that I can take advantage of more hours. With the primary focus on working out- I have been taking Mo for a run in the morning up to my mom's house to take care of the drop off and the workout at the same time. Or on some days waking earlier to get a little work done at home so that I can then do the drop off without rushing immediately into the office.
Last week for example I had a few meetings fall off my calendar so my day in the office could potentially start at 9:30AM versus 8AM. I was looking forward to having some extra time with Mike and Mo in the morning and take care of the morning drop off. But as I was going to bed I remembered that I had booked a 6:30AM spin class. I weighed the options and decided that the spin class was going to be my priority. I felt a tad of guilt as I left the house that morning. But of course, as soon as I got on the bike I was so proud of myself for being there. And fortunately that morning Jessi, the spin instructor, said something in class that resonated with me. She was motivating us during one of the more challenging parts of the class and told us that ‘self care is self respect’. She applauded us for making the time for this class and taking care of our minds and bodies. Having her say that in class that morning truly struck a chord with me. What she said was so good to hear and turned my attitude about the class and about taking the time to workout, for myself, from a place of guilt to a place of appreciation.
I carried that appreciation throughout the day. And now, a week later, still use it to remind myself that I do not have to do it all. And how fortunate I am to have a partner, and family too, that let me take that time. Mike loves our little boy so much that I remind myself, the stuff that I interpret as a 'burden' or 'work' is what we both signed up for and is as much his job as it is mine. It is amazing seeing him winning in the 'better parent' category and actually a fun, and healthy, competition for us both to have.
So to my husband. I know you don't read this blog because you think I am a major nerd for even having it. But thank you for everything. TQM.