Next week my friends at Pom Pom Social and I are hosting another event with a focus on Taboos in motherhood. The things that we don't always talk about in mom group (if you are into that kind of thing) or post on instagram. I was asked to share a bit on the subject myself.
A running list immediately started in my head:
- Breastfeeding vs not breastfeeding
- Postpartum depression
- Feeling like your kid is a psychopath
- Needing help... asking for help
- 'Natural' childbirth vs medicated
- Being fed up with your partner
- Working mom vs stay at home mom
- Wine during pregnancy
The list obviously goes on and can be added to depending on the day. This subject though, I absolutely love. In fact, the impetus for Making la Madre really came from a place of taboo. I was in a perfectly ripe position to become a mother but once I found out I was pregnant I had a total freak out. I was very honest from day one with my insecurity surrounding pregnancy at this stage of my life, my career, etc. It was zero bliss and happiness. Much more: WTF, cry cry cry, why me!?!
I was acting like some character in a LifeTime movie - 16 year old girl, having a child out of wedlock with no resources ruins her life. When in fact I was 28 with a great guy, married, we own a house, both have strong careers, a dog, a garden, supportive family, all of the things. So immediately I was in this position of taboo. Pregnant and ungrateful. While so many women and friends I knew tried so hard to conceive and couldn't. Me with my dumb luck got pregnant on a whim while being too lax with the pill and assuming that the fertility issues in my family would give me some kind of buffer.
We kept the pregnancy mostly to ourselves up until four months when we finally told our families & best friends. At five months I awkwardly sent this clip from Knocked Up to coworkers and came out. I continued my hesitance of this new chapter through the rest of my pregnancy. I didn't want a baby shower- but instead a cocktail party for friends and they could bring a present if they wanted. But no baby games, no blue and pink onesies. None of that. Just friends getting together like usual. Such denial, thank you to the people that played along with me, haha.
This continued all the way thru til I was in the delivery suite with our new baby in my arms. After a speedy birth I realized that we had not even told a single person that we had arrived at the hospital and our kid was on his way, let alone born!
Today, nearly three years into motherhood I find comfort in the taboo. It continues to inspires my writing and approach to motherhood. I aim to normalize the various approaches to womanhood, sisterhood & mom lyfe thru my personal discoveries (good and bad) and thru conversations and explorations with people who challenge and expand my thinking.
Happy tabooing friends and hope to see you at our meet up on Wednesday November 8th, 7pm at Union Pine.