Feelings Right Now

Let me be honest. After spending the last week in mom mode and fam mode, come Sunday night I was left feeling a bit drained. 8pm I was all of the sudden crying in our upstairs office, adjacent to Mario’s bedroom while he was refusing to put on a night diaper and get ready for bed.

Mike came in to console me. Asking why our kid was such a jerk and if I thought maybe I was getting my period? Could that explain my heightened emotions and why I was sobbing during the entire screening of Coco earlier in the day? More on that lovely movie later.

I told him I was exhausted from dealing with our kid. He was sick over the holiday, a 48 hour spell that included Thanksgiving dinner. He was cuddled on the couch at my aunt’s farm during our Turkey dinner. While the rest of us were in the dining room enjoying the feast. It was quite the enjoyable Thanksgiving considering his recent attitude. He was out of it and kind of melancholy yet was content to be propped on the couch with a blanket and movie. He was extra cuddly for his out of town tias which they loved cause it meant they could baby him.

The next day though, his high fever was accompanied by irritableness. We took him to the doc but they said it was just a little virus. Lots of iPad, lots of napping, lots of pajama only days, lots of hang out time in our bed with him and his four stuffed animal friends. So our holiday weekend was understandably low key. Fortunately though, surrounded by our favorite people who came over to enjoy the fire and my ‘craft cocktails’. Plus- I got the chance to escape during nap time a couple days to entertain my Nana on small shopping trips and lunch outings.  

lots of napping, lots of pj only days and lots of time spent in our bed with his four best friends.

Still though, in the kid department, we had way too many refusals to put clothes on, shitty (quite literally) accidents in his underpants and ‘stop mama’ & ’don’t do that’ demands from the little boy.

By Sunday he was still not 100% and took a very short nap which was a very bad convo. I had many self-reflecting moments asking myself: why did I even have a kid? Is any of this fun? And recognizing that we were making such a bad impression on family and friends. Ugh. It was the worst feeling. I was trying to grin and bear it. Trying to act like it wasn’t a big deal or that it didn’t bother me. But it did. So by the end of the weekend I found myself letting all these feelings out. It was actually quite nice and now I realize, necessary. You ever feel that way about a cry? It is so cliché but there really is something to it. I got the feelings out and the thoughts of my chest, thanks Mike. And as predicted my period arrived the next morning, wow.

xx Ly