notes from the field

At 9:09 Monday morning I walked out of Mario’s classroom, felt the slight chill of these September mornings, looked up at the trees and thought to myself: I am happy. I feel happy. I need to remember this.

So much of what we (you and me) choose to share is contrived. Its not real. It maybe appears better than it really is. I am completely guilty of this but try try try to share the bad stuff too.

I think part of why I was so comforted by this feeling of happiness was because Friday evening after a week of work I came home to a boy who did not take his nap. He was cranky, hungry and defiant. Whats worse is that we were at my mother’s house with all of my family: cousins, aunts, uncles etc. He was misbehaving and thus making me feel like an unfit mother. He didn’t want to pee on the toilet so I let him go outside and pee in the grass. He then gave me a smirk and peed on my cousins foot. Yes you read that correctly. I swiftly scooped him up and was really stern. He was crying and I was crushed. I really don’t like the moments of discipline. I feel like I do it differently every single time. I am not consistent enough in my treatment of his misdemeanors.

That feeling of disappointment sat with me for the rest of the night and into Saturday. Fortunately it wore off and so this feeling of dropping a beaming and independent three year old in his classroom this morning, feeling the sun on my face as I left the building and admiring nature I felt gratitude.

Gratitude in that moment was a feeling of optimism, comfort and pride. Something I was able to completely appreciate and enjoy cause it was 180 degrees from my Friday night.

xx Ly