Day 14 & Potato Chips

Every morning when I wake up the same thing happens. I blink and remember what day of the week it is. I then count which day of quarantine it is and then I squint and try to make sense of how this is still happening.

foto from last week when the sun was shining

Before I go to bed each night I think about what I might have to look forward to the next day. Wednesday night for example, I felt a bit of happiness and optimism. I thought to myself, wow this feels good, the feeling of something to look forward to. But I couldn’t remember what I was looking forward to. In the moment it was a fun mind game: considering what it might be that I actually had to look forward to the next day. And then I remembered. Earlier in the day I had put a bag of Ruffles sour cream and cheddar chips into my cart online. And maybe I could get those delivered the next day. Long story short, I couldn’t. And how disappointing to realize that the thing I was looking forward to was what would otherwise be extremely uneventful. In typical times I could walk to the market, or drive to the big box store and scoop these up. But the potential of some potato chips being delivered to my house is an event in these times.

If you think this sounds out of touch. Don’t worry. None of this is lost on me. I realize how trivial potato chips are. The chips, coupled with the ability to order groceries by phone for delivery versus going into a store is a privilege. My brother stocks shelves at our local super market. My cousin is a pulmonary fellow at our cities largest hospital. I worry about them and it can get really heavy. Plus there is so much uncertainty, confusion and misinformation floating around that it is hard not to get sucked into a negative space.

In the moments when I am unraveling, especially in the parenting department, I find comfort in knowing that I truly am not alone. We are all experiencing these tiny panics, these seconds of normalcy, the comfort (and strain) of routine and we have no choice but to get through this.

So in bed at night, eyes wide open and trying to fall asleep I truly do count my blessings. I am grateful for so much right now and I know that sounds like a hot cup of garbage. This is day 14, you are tired of hearing people say that. But honestly, after you take a melatonin gummy, wrap yourself in your warm covers and the five year old tiny terrorist in your house has been sleeping for a couple hours and you have regained a bit of confidence in your parenting choices it just happens.

Be well friends and reach out if you want to share anything here or write anything down.

xx Ly