Domesticated in 2020 & finding my way out in 2021

At the onset of the pandemic I found comfort in knowing that the struggle and difficulty I was having being home 24/7 with Mario was not what I had signed up for. This was not natural for our family, and not natural or expected for anyone during this wild time in recent history. With Mike and I both being very committed working professionals and parents we had a pretty ideal set up. Pre pandemic I had the luxury of working outside the home, Mike the luxury of working from home and Mario the luxury of full-time preschool and care when mom and dad were at work.

My schedule allowed me to be ‘on’ as a mom, wife, homemaker, etc. at my discretion. I had a significant commute that allowed me to code switch at best between my two worlds. Note: I recognize that this is not the most healthy dichotomy to create and that compartmentalization like this is probably frowned upon. I applaud the women who can be their authentic selves 100% of the time. But for me this was what was comfortable and authentic to me. We had a great network and support system around Mario that allowed me to embrace my work world and responsibilities without worry or doubt in the back of my mind.

When I transitioned out of the corporate world I transitioned almost immediately into a less familiar full time role. The role of full time mom. I knew this was not my forever plan so I jumped in to the deep end with my eyes closed.

Photos from November 2020 by my pal Kaitlin Green.

I quickly rationalized that because I was not contributing financially I needed to pull my weight in another area. Mario was starting virtual kindergarten and I had no excuse not to commit to doing all the things. This translated into me asking for less help and ultimately carrying more than the typical frustration that comes along with ‘invisible workload’ or ‘the second shift’.

Reflecting on this now, nine months later, I am able to see that this was a distraction. I did not want to focus on mourning the old me. I refocused my energy on domestic tasks, getting house projects sorted before our move to Mexico & doing so many things I would have never had time to do at 100% before.

Since our move at the beginning of this year we have created new habits and routines, which is to be expected with a new lifestyle. Thankfully Mario is in school in person three days a week so the burden of at home schooling has been mostly taken off our/my plate, but I have continued to default into the home chef and meal planner, a role I can often enjoy but really want to be able to split with Mike, more developments to come- I am hoping the baby can force a bit of this.

And in an unexpected turn of events I am washing our dishes by hand everyday as we wait for our remodel to be completed. Something I have not done in many many years. This alone has set me back in the domesticity department and definitely the conduit of nearly all my angst right now.

But this year I have also now jumped head first with eyes open into new creative projects and new clients. With this I am crawling out of my domestic hibernation good and ready to shed a lot of the discomfort I was feeling. I can only really recognize it now because I am being forced to look at my time differently with this new schedule and working style. All a proof point for our family that we need to share more of the load.

Have you experienced shifts like this during the pandemic or otherwise? Any advice or feedback welcome.

xx Ly